a little about me and a lot about why this blog is a thing:
i couldn’t begin writing this today until i had wasted 3 hours on social media and finally, turned on a spotify playlist of miyazaki soundtracks. it’s probably not just my personal opinion that instrumental music is direct access to all things perfect and eternal. my favorite instrumentals are film scores, but that’s just because i love movies. i love stories in general. i’m the little girl who never missed the oscars and had to be wearing my best easter dress while practicing my best actress acceptance speech every year (one of the 4 things i remember about childhood - i am not known for my memory). aside from the Bible, Jesus probably uses movies and books more than anything else to teach me about Himself and the world (only in competition with nature, relationships and mary oliver poems). writing is hard for me. maybe it’s perfectionism? according to my counselor there are two types of perfectionists: #1 what you would probably guess: clean, organized, on time, always got straight A’s, kind of anal. #2 wanting things to be perfect, feeling totally overwhelmed, not knowing how to get to where you want to be, shutting down and accomplishing nothing. i’m the latter. i can’t remember one time in college that i actually turned a paper in by it’s due date (it is legitimately by the grace of Jesus alone that I graduated at all). it’s not that i’m a bad writer (although i definitely don’t claim to be an incredible one either), it’s just that it takes so long to get started, and I’m so anxious the whole time that i’m definitely leaving out all the important stuff and probably not making any sense at all, and by gosh, once you get going there is no way you could possibly say everything at once or in any way that’s gonna come across how you wanted it to…so, you can imagine my reaction when i found the back of my mind thinking about blogging for the past number of months - it clearly wasn’t my own idea, right? because i’m the person (along with countless others) who’s always thought it’s a little (or a lot) weird when people share really personal stuff on the internet. i’m the person who posts a comment on someone’s instagram, over-thinks it, and then deletes it - even though i know they’ll know that i commented and then immediately (or 3 hours later) deleted it because of that darned notification they’ll get no matter what. but alas, one night over some yumstown tacos from cafe rio i was chatting with my dear friend emily, and we realized that our impersonal plugs for the easter services at saddleback had gotten zero traffic on facebook, but a mutual acquaintance’s lengthy status about all that she had been learning recently, and how she would love to take anyone who was interested to an easter service had received a ton of response. which reminds me, i work at saddleback church. our pastor is rick warren - the author of purpose driven life. he is constantly encouraging staff to use social media as a way to tell others about Jesus - which is what sparked this discussion with em to begin with. so, between our (obvious) discovery of the importance of transparency to connect with others, and an inbox full of emails from pastor rick about using the platforms available to us to spread the “Good News”, i figured it was time to get over whatever it was in me that thought it was uncool to get a little personal and try a little bit of vulnerability (because if i truly believe that the most important, exciting and life-giving thing in our short time on earth is to have a personal relationship with Jesus - which i do - how can i not?). but then i didn’t. and that was a few months ago. fast forward to nowish. i’ve still been thinking about blogging. why? it creeps me out a little bit, so i’ve been avoiding it. but last thursday my counselor (who i’m sure you’ll hear a ton about because she’s the best) gave me some homework: listen to pastor tom’s (one of the teaching pastors at saddleback) daily devotionals on the book of Joshua (a book in the Bible). and here’s what it had to say:
Love that my friend Hope just started a blog. She’s such a powerhouse, and is going to have TONS of great things to say on here. Go Hopey! Can’t wait to hear stories about what God’s doing in your life and in your mind & heart.